so let's talk penis.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
