I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
