he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
