Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
