Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize