Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize