I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
