we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
