ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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