Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
