Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
