I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
