Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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