Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
