Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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