my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this will be a night to untag.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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