i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
