Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
