Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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