Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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