Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
