I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
