my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
