She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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