yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
