Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
