Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
