remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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