She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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