i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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