im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
