god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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