Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
