whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
