epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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