is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
