I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
