did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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