Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
