i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
