she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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