so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
