Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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