there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
