Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
