so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
