Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
