I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
