The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
