my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
