Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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