I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
