I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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