Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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