even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you never un-have a 4some
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
