I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Randomize
