In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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