I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
